Dear Mom and Dad,
We are really looking forward to your visit but I feel I must warn you about a few things in advance. My home is not the tidy, tranquil place you remember. It has been invaded by a new species canis familiaris.
The house looks as if I am packing for Perth. It has been denuded of anything valuable i.e. anything that can be stolen, chewed and destroyed. In my lounge, the woven wool carpets are in storage. The lamps, cushions, magazines and accessories are piled on the dining room table which is no longer used for dining.
Whatever you do, never leave anything valuable (like the TV remote, a cellphone or a book) on a couch or the coffee table. They will disappear.
Dad, I think it's best you sleep upstairs which will withstand a siege or attack by the invaders. Mom, you will have to remember to always close your bedroom or bathroom door or else your valuables will disappear in the blink of an eye. Neither is it safe to leave your windows wide open. The invaders have learnt that if they can't get in via the door, the next best thing is the window.
I apologise in advance for the state of my garden which looks a bit like a desert wasteland. Also be warned that the invaders use a very clever tactic to overwhelm one. They are over friendly and jump, lick, and tangle themselves around your feet. The best strategy for survival is to freeze, fold your arms and don't make eye contact.
If you change your mind about visiting, I will understand.
Lots of love
MA Beagle
No comments:
Post a Comment